Lyrically Incorrect

Christopher Long

With special thanks to all those who helped me write these parodies and compile this book, and also to the online community at 'AmIRight' who gave me an outlet for, and encouraged, my creativity.

Pour Some Syrup on It

Parody of “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard.

If Def Leppard wrote a Recipe this would be it:

Take it off pause and just hit play
I'm going to show a recipe today

The cake is nearly ready, get the oven on
Looking pretty good and it's very nearly done
Get the oven gloves and go put them on
It's 95 degrees, switch on the fan
Twist the little dial until the temperature right
Television cooks, they made me stay up all night
Better taste good, I've been working all week
This little cake is just for me, yeah

Hey!
C'mon, grab a spoon, mix it up
Break the eggs, whisk them up

Pour some syrup on it
Ooh, that looks really good
Pour some syrup on it
C'mon just half a cup
Pour some syrup on it
Oh, I just can't get enough

It's hot, sticky sweet
Can't eat it yet, coz of the heat, yeah

Listen. Ice it, slice it, ready now EAT!
Proud of my cake, I'm going to put it on show
Ramsay and Oliver can't get enough
Sweet taste, pudding, just eat it up

You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little
Ice it a little more
I love this cake, I want to bake some more
Sometime, any time, sugar it sweet
This little cake is just for me, yeah

Grab the spoon, mix it up
Break the eggs, whisk them up

Pour some syrup on it
Ooh that looks really good
Pour some syrup on it
C'mon just half a cup
Pour some syrup on it
Oh, I just can't get enough

It's hot, sticky sweet
Can't eat it yet, coz of the heat

You got the topping, I got the cream
That’s a cake, fit for a queen
Coz it's hot it is a real treat
But can't eat it yet, coz of the heat

Do you want cream? One scoop will do

Take the cake cut it up
Take the plate and eat it up

Pour some syrup on it
Ooh that looks really good
Pour some syrup on it
C'mon just half a cup
Pour some syrup on it
Ooh can't get enough
Pour some syrup on it
Get it, but not my bit
Pour some syrup on it
Ooooh
Pour some syrup on it
Yeah! All for me.

Ice Cream Sundae

Parody of “Manic Monday” by The Bangles.

Dessert 's already here now I have wait for the cream
My glass is up there waiting by the soda stream

But they can't be late or they just won't get paid
There are just so many ways your food can be delayed

Not another ice cream sundae
I wish they had sorbet
I could eat that all day
That's not much to pay
Not another ice cream sundae

Have to go out in rain
It is almost closing time
And if I started eating now
I still would not finish in time

What takes so long
Wish I had only eaten a pear
Blame it on the staff
There is one right over there

Not another ice cream sundae
I wish they had sorbet
I could eat that all day
That's not much to pay
Not another ice cream sundae

All of these lights
Why did my mother have to pick this place?
In the town (This place, this place)
All this chatter
Why is everyone causing such a fuss?

Enjoyment's down
She tells me in a high-pitched voice
C'mon honey, lets check the invoice

Food's here at last
Are you having some?

Not another ice cream sundae
I wish they had sorbet
I could eat that all day
That's not much to pay
Not another ice cream sundae

Not another ice cream sundae
I wish they had sorbet
I could eat that all day
Not another ice cream sundae.

These Chores

Parody of “I'm Yours” by Jason Mraz.

Well I have seen a lot of DIY on the TV
and I thought to myself well that looks so easy
I'm filling in some cracks and now I'm building a rack

Before the tools come out I will be using hand gestures
and I think that flooring is the wrong dimension
I think I better move that fern
I think that looks handsome

I will estimate some more and wait
but I must do these chores

Turn on the light so you can see
Reading the plan is too easy
Open up the box
and you'll find gloves gloves gloves gloves

Turning on some music and I wish the phone would ring
I just need a cup of tea
And these are way too tight, these gloves, gloves, gloves, gloves, gloves

No I will estimate some more and wait
but I must do these chores

There's no need to estimate that pine is short
Please can they wait, these chores

Do do do do, do do do do
But this doesn't want to come on
Put that down over here
And I really need a beer

Do do do do woah woah

I've been spending too much time just looking at the mirror
So I better get it finished now because I want some dinner
So I filled myself a glass
And I saw a new chore and I laughed

I guess all I'm doing is thinking of a good reason
If there is such a thing as DIY is it out of season?
I wish that it was true, but got jobs to do

I will estimate some more and wait
but I must do these chores

There's no need to estimate that pine is short
Please can they wait, these chores

(I will estimate)
Turn on the light so you can see
(What a chore, what a chore)
Reading the plan is so easy
Why don't you be smart and see that you can do these chores
(They cannot wait, these chores)

So please don't, please don't, please don't
(There's no need to estimate)
There's no need to estimate
(Your time is short)
Cause your time is short
(It is very late)
It is really getting quite late
These chores

Brits

Parody of “Kids” by Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue.

Take up your positions
Look at where we are
We've got the best dancers here by far
The show is about to begin
Dancers are wearing black
We've been making hits
and now we are back

Chorus
And we'll keep rehearsing
'Til we get it
I'm only doing it for the Brits
(oh come on) Brits Award
I've got pride (yeah)
They'll be singing my song tonight
Press record really try
Cause the Brits are live

After the presentation
Well I guess I will be adored
And numbers one position will be ensured
You'll see what fame does to me
I will have a lot of fans
The purpose of this performance is
to prove how good I am

It's gonna be so amazing
I'm gonna come in from above
It's gonna be so amazing
I'm gonna come in from above
It's gonna be so amazing
I'm gonna come in from above
It's gonna be so amazing
I'm gonna come in from above

Descending from the ceiling
I didn't think it would be so high

The choreographer and me
don't always see eye to eye
People have to accept me
as a singer in a band
Well I want hummers baby
This is my plan

Brit Award
I've got pride
Brit Award
I've got pride
Brit Award
I've got pride

I'm part of the industry, and honestly, and I want more
There's only one of me
Single handedly making money
Ain't no chance of the record company dropping me
I've got my career in front of me
That I know, yeah, definitely
If you don't like me, I'll make no apology
All my fans, yeah, they really follow me
But for now, I'm in the top three
Grab your dollars, come and buy me.

No Spare

Parody of “It's Not Fair” by Lilly Allen.

Oh I really like these specs
I seem to wear them all the time
They cost me £15 a day
I really wish they were mine

You know I think I'm quite a fan
They make me feel so immature
You know I wish I had a way
To make my glasses more secure

There's just no string
They're getting in the way
They won't stay on my head
They're just no good
It's such a shame

Why did I pay that price?
I can't believe it's true
There wasn't too much choice
Why did I drive to Dover?

There's no spare
How can I keep them clean?
How can I keep them clean?
How can I keep them clean?
Thought I've put them there
But
They never can be seen
They never can be seen
Oh there's no spare
But
It's made in the UK
It's made in the UK
It's made in the UK
Oh I need another pair
What happens if they break?
What happens if they break?

Oh now the frames have detached
I'll use wooden sticks instead
I even try the cable tie
I really need some brand new specs

Next time I buy some with blue strings
And they will make me so happy
Maybe I'm just overlooking
Maybe there's the ones for me

There's just no string
They're getting in the way
They won't stay on my head
They're just no good
It's such a shame

Why did I pay that price?
I can't believe it's true
There wasn't too much choice
Why did I drive to Dover?

There's no spare
How can I keep them clean?
How can I keep them clean?
How can I keep them clean?
Thought I've put them there
But
They never can be seen
They never can be seen
Oh there's no spare
But
It's made in the UK
It's made in the UK
It's made in the UK
I need another pair
What happens if they break?
What happens if they break?

There's just no string
They're getting in the way
They won't stay on my head
They're just no good
It's such a shame

Why did I pay that price?
I can't believe it's true
There wasn't too much choice
Why did I drive to Dover?

There's no spare
How can I keep them clean?
How can I keep them clean?
How can I keep them clean?
Thought I've put them there
But
They never can be seen
They never can be seen
Oh there's no spare
But
It's made in the UK
It's made in the UK
It's made in the UK
I need another pair
What happens if they break?
What happens if they break?

Obsessed

Parody of “Just Dance” by Lady Gaga.

A board game
La la
Oh oh eh

I play a little bit too much
I will always play for cash, play for cash right
I will always take a chance
Can't find a single man
Why am I playing this alone, alone

Who is that, at the door?
I love this board game baby, and I just wanna play some more
Keep it cool, did I play this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, alright

Obsessed, gonna play all day
Da da dooo
Obsessed, spend that money babe
Da da dooo
Obsessed, gonna play all day
P p p play
Play, play, just j j just play

Wish I could turn this game around oh oh oh oh
Wanna make my mama proud. On games night
Control your play babe
But gonna win anyway
And we're all going out tonight oh oh oh oh

Who is that, at the door?
I love this board game baby, and I just wanna play some more
Keep it cool, did I play this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, alright

Obsessed, gonna play all day
Da da dooo
Obsessed, spend that money babe
Da da dooo
Obsessed, gonna play all day
P p p play
Play, play, just j j just play

When I ring through after checking out that catalog
Can't believe my eyes, so many games wanna play some more
And I ain't gonna give it up, gonna beat you no matter who you are
Gonna play, gonna play and play till 2 tomorrow yeah

I can see that you might be a match for me
The way you are cutting those cards without a sound
And now there's no reason at all why you can't play and beat me
In the meantime stay and let me watch you crumble down

Obsessed, play all day
Da da dooo
Obsessed, spend that money babe
Da da dooo

Obsessed, gonna play all day
Da da dooo
Obsessed, spend that money babe
Da da dooo
Obsessed, gonna play all day
P p p play
Play, play, just j j just play

Woo Let's go

Half-psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's symphonic
Half-psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, electronic
Half-psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's symphonic
Half-psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, electronic

Go! Use your mind, lay them out, work it, hustle
Play it, just stay close enough to win it
Don't slow! Hold it, play it, lay out, show it
Spend the moolah
(I won it)
On a car
(I got it)

Obsessed, play all day
Da da dooo
Obsessed, spend that money babe
Da da dooo

Obsessed, gonna play all day
Da da dooo
Obsessed, spend that money babe
Da da dooo
Obsessed, gonna play all day
P p p play
Play, play, just j j just play

Tonic

Parody of “Ironic” Alanis Morrisette.

I've had this since ninety-eight
It's well past it's expiry date
Just wish I had some Chardonnay
Look at the clock, it's a quarter to eight

But I have this tonic,
That I'll drink

Chorus:
I didn't have time to go shopping today
I really tried, hope there's lemonade
It is a good prize, so I bought us some cake
The memory of this, will linger

Just to play it safe, I will not drive
Going to talk some more, before I say goodbye
I waited a whole week long, to enjoy this night
As the rain poured down I thought, “Glad I'm inside”

I have this tonic
Have a drink

Chorus

Well Clive is a funny guy, likes entertaining you
Makes you think, guests are okay and the party is going right
Wish it was a sunny day and we could go out, when the food's all gone.
That would be pretty ace

It's time to go, it's getting quite late
No party bags, for you to take
Not even balloons, for you and your wife
The party is not as good as it seems
It was the worst one of my life

All I had was tonic
Here to drink
Wanted gin and tonic and yeah, that is a drink!

Chorus

That was a funny day, no alcohol for me or you
Come on everyone, I will just show you out
Show you out.

New Girlfriend

Parody of “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne.

Hey Hey you you, I don't like these lyrics
No way no way, I think you need some new ones
Hey hey you you, I could sing those lyrics
Hey hey you you, this is such a bad song
No way no way, I don't know where I've gone wrong.
Hey hey you you, I could write some lyrics

These are the best lyrics, they are not so ridiculous
With these chords the song is so addictive
Don't you know that I can sing, play and write

Don't pretend, don't you know that I'm a singing.
Give my number to a lyricist, I think I'm going to ring her
I can let you like what I do, but I'm not that bright.

I'm like not that clever
You could write so much better
I think we should write together now.
I could do the vocals and really shout

I can repeat, repeat the lyrics
And every verse I write I sing the same
I know you will put this song on again and again

Come over here, I know you don't have a musical ear
And that it why I have a pop career

RAP: In a second you could get a better singer, because they will, because they will be better
They are lots of others, because I'm so bad a rapping
Avril is so stupid, what the hell was she thinking!

Your Spread

Parody of “One Love” by Bob Marley.

This is a song to support the Marmite Love Party

Your Spread – Parody of Bob Marley's 'One Love'

Your lunch
Your spread
Let's come together and eat Marmite

How much am I buying?
(too much)
What am I having?
(for lunch)
Having eaten up the jar, it feels quite light
Let's come together and eat Marmite

Yum Yum Yum
I have to have at least thirty jars
(of spread)
Finding that many is really quite a task
(at art)
Now is there enough in here for dinner
I hope you do not mind if I have some for treat

Your lunch
Your spread
Let's come together and eat Marmite
It can be used in cooking
(nice lunch)
Not much money to spend
(one pot)
I think I have some stored
So let's eat tonight
Let's come together and eat Marmite
One more thing

If they were to go into administration (too sad)
I would not want this to happen now, would you?
(so wrong)
I love to eat it on toast for dinner
I really wish this was a Marmite eating nation

Come on
Your lunch
Your spread
Let's come together and eat Marmite
So you just might find
(you like )
Adored
(let's eat)
I have heard that eating it is a delight

Let's come together and eat Marmite
Let's come together and eat Marmite
Let's come together and eat Marmite

I Love This Rug

Parody of “Your Love is a Drug” by Kesha.

Do I need that desk lamp, or do I need some sheets?
I want a prize possession, to match my ceiling beams
I'm checking on every website, I hope that the price falls
I'm doing some late night shopping, may need to check out the malls

What I want to buy is hard to find
Think I'll put in a bid online
I didn't win it, but I really tried
I wish I could just press rewind

Because I love, I love, I love this rug
I love, I love, I love
I said I love, I love, I love
I love, I love, I love

Don't really care about the price, mamma's telling me I should think twice
Got one now which suffices, but really should think of the prices

The old is covered in daisies, the new one is a bit more crazy
My card is gonna be rejected, but this bill is self-inflicted

What I want to buy is hard to find
Think I'll put in a bid online
I didn't win it, but I really tried
I wish I could just press rewind

Because I love, I love, I love this rug
I love, I love, I love
I said I love, I love, I love
I love, I love, I love

I don't care what I have to pay
I'm going to buy this anyway
It'll look great with my settee
I'll have it home by the end of the day

I've got to mention
Do you want to come and help me with my carpet placement?
I wish they had an offer like two for one
Do you like, my rug?
(Huh) my rug? (huh) my rug? (huh) my rug?
Do you like, my rug?

Because I love, I love, I love this rug
I love, I love, I love
I said I love, I love, I love
I love, I love, I love (x2)

Hey,hey, I love, I love, my new rug
Oh that looks weird.

I Wish It Was Christmas

Parody of “Rocking the Suburbs” by Ben Folds.

Merry Christmas everyone!

I am outside riding on my bike
there is few days before the big night
if I do not sleep soundly
Father Christmas will not come to me

oh come on

there many things in my bag
but they have that I wish I had
most of all the fight plane
that that model kit contains

I wish it was Christmas
just like when I was a kid
I wish it was Christmas
except I cannot wrap this lid
I wish it was Christmas
post the cards, write the tags
buy the presents on computer
so there no are suspicious bags

Getting dark and I need a light
so I can decorate my tree tonight
think that may be too much right
I do not want my room to be bright

I really need to bake the cake
how many cookies do I bake?

I wish it was Christmas
just like when I was a kid
I wish it was Christmas
except I cannot wrap this lid
I wish it was Christmas
post the cards write the tags
buy the presents on computer
so there are no suspicious bags

there is x mas craze
and I am putting up the last tree light
and is it standing up al-right?
I think it looks a bit wonky
I feel it is fate I pray
wishing for snow to stay
and invite my great great great grand daddy
and see my great great great daddy
slade and listen for his reindeer
yes I hear the reindeer
kids want that new toy
that is supposed to be all the the rage
I am outside riding on my bike
there is few days before the big night
I am outside riding on my bike
there is few days before the big night
I am outside riding on my bike
there is few days before the big night
I wish it wound hurry up !!

I wish it was Christmas
just like when I was a kid
I wish it was Christmas
now I can wrap this lid
I wish it was Christmas
post the cards write the tags
I bought the presents on computer
so there no suspicious bags

ho ho
and it is Christmas

I really want turkey, and I do not like pie!
I really want turkey, and I do not like pie!
I really want turkey, and I do not like pie!
I really want turkey, and I do not like pie!

Candy

Parody of “Mandy” by Barry Manilow.

Merry Christmas to all at AM I RIGHT. Do not eat too much candy.

I cannot believe my eyes,
At Christmas they are twice the price.
See that marzipan,
That jar in the window,
Such a lovely sight,
I think I'll buy two

Sweeties, what will Mummy say?
Will I have to hide away?
Judging by the price,
She will be mad with me,
But looking down the isles
I see they have cranberry.

Oh Candy,
Well I wish you were perfect for baking,
Need you on Christmas day,
Oh Candy,
I've eaten too much, now I'm shaking,
Please take it away,
Oh Candy.

I wonder whether they do lime;
Strawberry ones are hard to find.
“No,” my mother yelled,
“Not ones with lime in,
They're for Christmas, guys,
And for post-dining,

With brandy.
I think I'll avoid ones with nuts in,
And I'll put them away,
Oh Candy,
Just look at how many you're taking,
That's enough for today,
Oh Candy.

This is too extreme,
Christmas is dawning,
Candy's on my mind
and the sweeties are calling.

Oh Candy,
And now that my stomach is aching,
I should put you away,
Oh Candy,
I've eaten too much, now I'm shaking,
But I can't keep away,

Oh Candy,
And now that my stomach is aching,
I should put you away,
Oh Candy,
I've eaten too much, now I'm shaking,
But I want you.

Message on Your Mobile

Parody of “Message in a Bottle” by The Police.

Used the phone today
dialled an extra zero
now I cannot hear your voice
can't wait to see you
when I get number right you are never there
off enjoying yourself wish I was there

I 'll send an SMS to your phone

I hope that you will get my
I hope that you will get my
I hope that you will get my

message on your mobile
message on your mobile

I have even left you a Facebook post
I should have done that right from the start
modern handsets really are quite clever
oh gosh I need to put my phone on charge

I'll send an SMS to your phone

I hope that you will get my
I hope that you will get my
I hope that you will get my

message on your mobile
message on your mobile

woke up this morning
cannot believe what I saw
a voice mail message
I am listening to one of four
explaining that you've been on a trip to Rome
saying that you will call me the minute you get home

you got my SMS on your phone
you got my SMS on your phone

I'm glad that you have got my
I'm glad that you have got my
I'm glad that you have got my

message on your mobile
message on your mobile

now you’ve read my SMS
now you’ve read my SMS

thank you for my SMS

thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS
thank you for my SMS

Golfing Teacher

Parody of “Father Figure” by George Michael.

Just what I wanted
To have lessons and to learn just
How to drive
If I had clubs then I promise that
I would really, really try
Sometimes I think all I need now, is a caddy
Although getting myself an instructor, would be handy

Ho Ho Ho
The one I wanted
Is nice but really overpriced
He wanted more money than the people
In that golfing guide
Now a spot of good weather, would be dandy
If we played a round together, me and Mandy

Ho Ho Ho
I will be your golfing teacher
I will not charge overtime
Careful of that water feature
Aim the ball and take your time
I will be your golfing teacher
Hold the club, yes that looks fine
I am more than happy to, give you my time

I did not realise
This would be such an undertaking, with things to buy
Why did I pay this money and hire this guy
Sometimes I think it would be better, with a caddy
But maybe he will make me the player, that I can be

Now I am in the bunker
How can this be?
This is not easy, easy for me
Why did I start this, as a hobby?

So just remember that I have really tried
Now I am prepared
Glad I looked in that guide
Such a good teacher
Ready to show me

I'm not disappointed
Just want a prize sometime, maybe
I cannot deny, no
(Really hope the weather stays mild)
How many holes left to go
(This could take a while)
Just come on, come on, there's so much to know

I will be your golfing teacher
I will not charge overtime
Careful of that water feature
Aim the ball and take your time
I will be your golfing teacher
Hold the club, yes that looks fine
I am more than happy to, give you my time
(So I am gonna play you)
Need to find the time
I will be your guide
I will be your teacher
I will be your caddy
I am more than happy to give you my time

I Cannot Sing

Parody of “You're Beautiful” by James Blunt.

This song is rubbish

This song is rubbish
The words are poor
And if I play it
She'll think I'm a bore
She ignored me on the subway
She was in another band
I will lose some sleep at night
Cause I'm living in my van

I cannot sing
I cannot sing
I cannot sing, it's true
I heard this tune, it should be finished soon
I don't want to clear the room
I'll never sing with you

So I'll walk on by
And I won't cry
She could see from my face that I was
Quite a guy
And I don't think that I can find my pen
I have a bad chorus, I could sing it till the end

I cannot sing
I cannot sing
I cannot sing, it's true
I heard my tune, it should finish soon
I don't want to clear the room
And I'll never sing with you
Blah Blah Blah Blah
Blah Blah Blah Blah
Blah Blah Blah Blahhhh

I cannot sing
I cannot sing
I cannot sing, it's true

There must be an angel
With a big suitcase
This record could always be replaced
But it's time to face the truth
I will never sing with you.

Watching Disney All The Time

Parody of “Summer of '69” by Bryan Adams.

Watching Disney when I was 9

I saw my first Walt Disney
When I had just turned 9
And the front cover was so divine
watching Disney all the time.

Me and some guys from school
we were such real big fans
mickey quit and Ariel got married
we even had the trading cards
oh when I watch it now
the cartoons seem to last together

and when I had a choice
I’d keep watching them forever
Those were the best days of my life.

Ain't no use in watching
when you've got a job to do
spend my evenings down at the drive in
that’s when old was new.

Standing on your mamma’s porch
you told me we would watch together
oh when you put it on
I knew that it was Disney forever.
Those were the best days of my life.

Yeah we were killing time
watching extra features
we needed to rewind
I guess modern films aren’t that clever, aren’t that clever-no!

But now cartoons are changing
look at the characters that have been and gone
sometimes when I play the lion king
I think about Disney and where it went wrong.

Standing on your mamma’s porch
you told me that we would watch together.
Yeah when you put it on
I know it was Disney forever
those were the best days of my life.

Watching Disney when I was 9.

Here's My Wife

Parody of “It's My Life” by Jon Bon Jovi.

Here's my wife

This is a song by
on Bon Jovi
A big hello to those that know me.
I am so unbelievably proud
she's somewhere in here in this crowd
You can hear her answer when she shouts it out loud

Here's my wife
she is really clever
So now we can cook together
This is dedicated to my wife
(here's my wife)
Her name is Sarah by the way
But frankly I don't know what else to say

This is dedicated to my wife
here's my wife

This is for my wife who stands her ground
As she would stop me from buying another round
Singing is getting harder make no mistake
But I really like cooking, it is so great.

Here's my wife
she is really clever
So now we can cook together
This is dedicated to my wife
(here's my wife)
Her name is Sarah by the way
But frankly I don't know what else to say

This is dedicated to my wife
Here's my wife

Baby your so cool
make no mistake
look at that driver
trying to overtake

Here's my wife
she is really clever
So now we can cook together
This is dedicated to my wife
(here's my wife)
Her name is Sarah by the way
But frankly I don't know what else to say
This is dedicated to my wife
Here's my wife.

I Am the Best At Making Raspberry Tarts

Parody of “When You Say Nothing At All” by Ronan Keating.

I am the Best at Making Raspberry Tarts.

It's amazing
How I can make raspberry tarts
while its in the oven
I can walk in the park
Try as I may
I can never restrain
From going home
and doing it over again.

The crumbs on your face
Let me know that you like it
Would you like some choc-ice?
Because I know that you'll thank me
Cleaning your plate says
you like it and
you want some more
I am the best
At making raspberry tarts.

All day long
I am in the kitchen
doing my mum proud.
But when I win this competition
I’ll hold the crown
(the crown)
Try as they may
They could never shine
But my dear
Victory will be mine.

I am the best
At making raspberry tarts.
I am the best
At making raspberry tarts.

The crumbs on your face
Would you like some choc-ice?
Cleaning your plate
Lets me know
That you want some more.

I am the best
At making raspberry tarts.
I am the best
At making raspberry tarts.

Me and My Band

Parody of “Against All Odds” by Mariah Carey feat. Westlife.

I cant believe I'm singing this,
When I stole it from Phil Collins
When I started singing every line with you,
Your the only one who can sing this at all.

How can I just let you sing this part,
When all you do is ruin this song,
Cause we share the lyrics and the pace
even though we know its wrong
Your the only one who can really sing this at all

So take a look at the song
it was never meant to be
It was never meant to be two people,
Just my band and me.

So take a look at this song
It was never meant meant to be
So getting a no. 1 is against all odds,
But that's a chance we've got to take.

I wish I could just write some lyrics down
Then I wouldn't have to steal your songs
I wish I could sing like you
then I would really cry
Your the only one who could really sing this at all.

So take a look at the song
it was never meant to be
It was never meant to be two people,
Just my band and me.

So take a look at this song
It was never meant meant to be
So getting a no. 1 is against all odds,
But that's a chance we've got to take.

So take a look at this song
My conscience is clear
But you singing with me is against all odds
Its a chance we've got to take.

o take a look at the song
it was never meant to be
It was never meant to be two people,
Just my band and me.

So take a look at this song
It was never meant meant to be
So getting a no. 1 is against all odds,
But that's a chance we've got to take.

Bury Picasso

Parody of “Brick by Boring Brick” by Paramore.

Well look at those oil paintings
Meaning is there for us to find
The painter has done so well
Or am I just losing my mind
Just doing this for exposure that I told her

The frames are all wrong now
He is just messing around with our eyes
The nose is the wrong way around
Wrong colours for the ground

Chorus
Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury Picasso, bury Picasso
Go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury Picasso, bury Picasso
Ba da ba da da ba ba da da ba

There are lots of people sighing
Crowds are gathering round
The closing time came to save us
And the shop is on the way out
The names won't stick
Just takes the mick

Well make sure to wisely take your pick
It's just a man in a dressing gown
The nose is the wrong way around
Wrong colours for the ground

Chorus

Well you built up a world of magic
But your paintings are tragic
Yeah you built up a world of magic

What is the deal
I just don't understand
All this hype about your art
And I'd rather leave it

But it's all blue
I just can't believe my eyes
It's even in the park
And it's just not for me, yeah

Chorus

My Ship is On Fire

Parody of “Sex on Fire” by Kings of Leon.

My ship is on Fire
King Of Leon: Sex On Fire Parody
Hear that old timber
Making a sound
Smells like it's burning, it's burning
Here on the ocean
The wind and the rain
Is slowly dying, it's dying
Yo Ho
My ship is on fire

Here on the high seas
And breaking of waves
The fish are diving, they're diving.

Some ports are open and there goes a pail
Feel like we're sinking, we're sinking

But oh no
My ship is on fire
And oh o
We're beginning to perspire

Hotter then ever
Rather be home
I cannot take it
Not take it

But it will be day soon
Yes it's getting light
I am the greatest, the greatest, the greatest

Yo Ho
My ship's not on fire
And oh o
We've put out this fire
And so o
We're not going to expire

But oh no
My ship's not on fire
And so o
We're not going to expire.

Going Up

Parody of “Rabbit Hearts (Raise It Up)” by Florence and the Machine.

I look around but I can't find you How quickly the number fades We are stopping, I'm running out time Why can't everyone just behave (going up) You saw a deal and now you have to go on up (going up) (going up) In a pram A rabbit headed girl Is shopping with her mum And seems to be quiet And satisfied And we're going up Here in the lift Please take my advice Check the bill and make sure it's right And men are kind but press in so tight They cannot see any sunlight I'm looking down but I can't find two
(going up)

If only I could make some space
(going up)

I started staring at the exit sign
(going up)

Why can't everyone just behave?

I must be calm I've come here for the sale
Ready for a fight

Before I leave and I am satisfied
(we're going up)

Here in the lift
Please take my advice
Check the bill and make sure it's right
And men are kind but press in so tight
They cannot see any sunlight

(going up)
(going up)

And then it rings, the joy it brings
And I'm blown away by the price of things

My wages turn from black to red
As I see an offer on a bed

Here in the lift
Please take my advice
Check the bill and make sure it's right
And men are kind but press in so tight
They cannot see any sunlight

Get in the lift.

Reading Books

Parody of “Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis.

Read a book today, I cannot put it down,
Couldn't get it down, it's running through my brain,
If I put it down, it won't stay open

But something happened during chapter two,
It's left me on a cliffhanger, I don't know what to do
I've read it much, my mind is going crazy,

But I don't care about sleep, I'll be keep reading you,
Before I put it away, I must lend it to Ruth,
My heart is broken as the book store is closing

Chorus
It will not open
Keep reading, keep keep reading books,
I keep reading, keep keep reading books,
keep reading, keep keep reading books,

Trying hard not to cry, but it's the only one around,
Their laughter fills my ears, why won't they let me be?
Yet I know that the store will keep me from reading

But nothings greater than the rush
Of going through the entrance
And in this store of madness, I win the race
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

1 x Bridge
1 x Chorus

And they're all chasing me
Oh they find it's hard to believe
I'll be holding this book for everyone to see

1 x Bridge
1 x Chorus

Thanks God, it's open
So I...

1 x Bridge
1 x Chorus

The Facebook Song

Parody of “Dancing in the Moonlight” by Toploader.

We use it almost everyday
to search and invite friends,
statuses I don't know what to say

everybody's sitting here on face book
I get messages thought the night
not all of them I really like
there some groups that I dislike
everybody sitting here on facebook

sitting here on face book
on my wall I don't know what to put
my page has got to look just right
everybody sitting here on facebook

we log on and it just feels so right
we can stay and chat all night
its a social networking site
everybody sitting here on facebook

adding things to facebook
I have just got to get it right
that looks so good to my delight
everybody sitting here on facebook

we use it almost everyday
to find friends and to invite
statuses I don't know what to say
everybody sitting here on face book

sitting here on facebook
on my wall I don't know what to put
my page has got to look just right
everybody sitting here on facebook

Lyrically Incorrect

Pour Some Syrup on It

Ice Cream Sundae

These Chores

Brits

No Spare

Obsessed

Tonic

New Girlfriend

Your Spread

I Love This Rug

I Wish It Was Christmas

Candy

Message on Your Mobile

Golfing Teacher

I Cannot Sing

Watching Disney All The Time

Here's My Wife

I Am the Best At Making Raspberry Tarts

Me and My Band

Bury Picasso

My Ship is On Fire

Going Up

Reading Books

The Facebook Song

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