The Distance Travelled

Why have certain denizens of Hell taken to throwing farm animals through innocent folks’ kitchen windows? How long does it take a dead, desiccated gas attendant to walk out to his pumps? What sort of relationship do the Lord of the Underworld and Hell’s Head Torturer have besides the obvious professional one? What kind of air conditioning units do they use down there? Do they listen to Cyndi Lauper? What is Hell’s official currency, and by what criteria did The Big Red Fella choose it? Can pigs eat cereal with a spoon? What nameless beast dwells in the flame pit near the hole to Upside? What is Upside, for that matter, and why should you care anyway?